New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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