How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
There r osticjed everywhere
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
