Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
