Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
