Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
