My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My ATM looks so different sober.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
