I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
