Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
