we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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