at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
