i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
