Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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