the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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