I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
