Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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