Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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