This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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