I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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