my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
