she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
