Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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