I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
