u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
