i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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