had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Someone came in the potted fern
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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