They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
