No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
