So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
