He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
