Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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