It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
