Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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