We won't sleep together?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
