She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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