so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
