just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
