I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
