I hate your face
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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