im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
