so that wasnt chicken after all
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Fuck appropriateness.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
