Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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