so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
