to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
