I think my vagina is haunted
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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