I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
