So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
