i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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