She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
