lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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