did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
