she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
