Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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