did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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