she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
