My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
